I hate living with anxiety. That inexplicable, gut gripping, and mind numbing stress that takes over my body and brain for days on end; never knowing when it will strike or when it will end. Breathing becomes unnatural, challenging and painful; nausea settles and food revolts. Insecurities arise and reason soars out the window so nights are filled with incessant worries and insomnia. Anxiety is when I go about my days appearing just fine to those around me, but inwardly I'm fighting this exhausting battle no one sees and I can't help but feel utterly alone in the world -- failing at life.
I hate admitting it or talking about it to others because it makes me appear so weak; explaining to someone that something as simple as walking into a room of people or making an "easy" decision can trigger a panic attack seems so silly in the rational. It's an uncomfortable and defeating reality to share, even with those closest to me. This is a state of vulnerability I'd rather not enter.
I can write these things because I'm currently in a healthier state - it's with the grandest gratitude I can proclaim anxiety is not holding such a tight grip on me these past couple of months. It's these days (weeks and sometimes even months) - when life doesn't overwhelm, encouragement is encountered, incompetence is far from mind and anxiety's grip doesn't hold steadfast - that I need to hold onto. I am not my anxiety; anxiety is not me.
I'm so grateful for supporting programs such as Bell Let's Talk and Mental Health Awareness Week.I'm so grateful for supporting friends who have listened to me talk, for what sometimes seems endless. Connecting and sharing with others, even in the vulnerability, has healing power. Mental health is not a weakness, or something to be ashamed of and it affects more than we can even know. Everyone knows someone or is someone who struggles with mental health. So to those who struggle: don't suffer in silence rather seek support, we're not alone or defined by our struggles. To those who don't understand, please try. If someone turns to you for your help, take that as one of the greatest compliments you will ever receive, as they're entrusting you at their most vulnerable moments.
Help break the stigma of Mental Health!
