The Chronicles of Sarnia: Be sure to Believe

Campobello Island, NB - August 2013

My life kinda looks a bit like this picture. I see a ways up the path ahead of me, but then all of a sudden it disappears to the abyss of the unknown. I've a plan for the next couple of months but beyond that is over a hill, into the fog and out of sight. January is still a mystery the future holds.

The last few weeks my brains has been spinning a bit - thoughts are percolating, but nothing is near finalization. I have a few hopes and dreams, but no solid career aspirations. The "wonderful" thing about a liberal arts degree that I'm coming to understand is this: people will still be asking you "sooooo what do you want to do when you grow up?" -- yes, those exact words, that exact question, I still get it.
And here I was beginning to think I was grown up... blegh.

An aspect that causes difficulty in clearing the fog is I'm not the greatest decision maker. I actually despise decisions. I often have a hard time deciding what to eat for a meal on a regular day so you can imagine how deciding life plans may be slightly difficult for me. I have many vague options of places I could plant myself, where I know I could be content and surrounded by people I love (and love me in return). But I often worry about making the wrong decision. I strive to follow the will of God for my life, but struggle in discerning what that is. I believe God has placed the desires of his heart into mine - thus my healthy desires are his desires. He wants his children --- us --- to be happy; He longs for us to thrive in life, to use our gifts, passions and desires for the good of others, the world, as well as ourselves.  I am continually asking God to speak wisdom and discernment into me, and furthermore, into my heart's desires. Yet I still have that undermining anxiety of not doing the "right" thing (my voice of reason says there is some foolishness in the fear...).
I must embark in trusting that the Lord will come into my life and make me who he wants me to be. We only have to believe. This is a similar message in one of Max Lucado's children's books that my Grandma gave to me on thanksgiving weekend: The Oak Inside the Acorn. This is a story the begins with a little acorn clinging to his mother, a great big oak. Little Acorn expresses his gratitude for being so safe with his mother, she however replies "I'm glad too... it's good for you to be here with me now. But when your time comes to go into the world, you'll be fine." Little acorn is afraid of this life, apart from his mother; she reassures him with a hug from her branches and these words "Within you is a great oak, Little Acorn. Just be the tree God made you to be." For the rest of his days on his mother's branches she continued to remind him of this, and after his days apart begin, Little Acorn always remembered them. Over time, he slowly grew into a big, strong oak, eventually discovering his purpose God had had in store for him all along. (I won't spoil the story, you'll have to read it yourself to find out what big oak's purpose is) 

Just as little Acorn trusted the Lord to reveal to him the big "oak inside the acorn," so I trust the Lord to make me the person He made me to be.
This, however, still does not give me a concrete direction for me future, I still have to do some work to get there. But a significant insight I've encountered here, through Will and Edith's mentorship group has given me encouragement and a sense of peace. It is as follows: I will make my plans, but God will direct my path. God supplies our needs, lavishes us in love and supplies our wants if we're doing our best. Will's encouragement is this "do your best, figure out what you want to do, shoot for it and God will do the rest." I've come to this revelation then -  not to be afraid or anxious in my decision making and planning, rather to trust the Lord to guide my path as I plan. I trust that he'll open the doors or windows that he wants me to go through, and close the ones that are not for me at this time.
Have a little Faith,
          Exercise a tad of Trust,
                        and Be sure to Believe.